Letter to My Child
Author: Jeffery Birth Date: 1979 Abortion Date: 1978
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
In the summer of 1978, I caused a baby to be created and then agreed to the decision to get an abortion. I got the money to pay for the procedure by taking a gold coin from my Dad without him knowing. I drove three of us to the clinic, paid, waited and it was over. Only two of us left.
Dear precious Child,
It is now 31 years later. Even though I have prayed for God to forgive me and shared my story with others many times I am writing you this letter to somehow make amends, ask for your forgiveness and say how sorry I am. As I sit here thinking about what to write I am flooded with feelings – grief, shame, regret, sadness, depression, anxiety, guilt, self doubt.
I love you and have thought about you over the years from time to time. I have wondered what your name would have been. What did you look like? I believed you were a boy but I’m not sure of course, this is one of the hard parts. I will have to wonder who you are until I get to meet you one day in heaven.
The hardest part is knowing you felt great pain the moment when they killed you in your mother’s womb. You were innocent and totally helpless. I did not protect you. I sacrificed you for my own convenience. The truth is your earthly father failed you. I let you go because I am sinful and selfish. I am the responsible one, and I take all the blame. If I had led well, been the man God wanted me to be this would not have happened.
After that terrible day I tried to go on with my life as usual. Carrying on a selfish, sinful, indulgent life possibly causing yet other abortions though I am not aware. Wow! What a confession. Knowing I was doing the act that could cause another BABY but not caring enough to know if I might have another child? I truly consider myself chief of all sinners.
So, here I am, writing you this letter. God would not let me forget you. He would not let me erase the past and He has brought me to a place of brokenness. My precious child, I am truly sorry. Will you forgive me? There are no words to express how sorry I am. There is no way to turn back time and erase this mistake. I can only ask you to forgive me and hope that you do.
I wish I could know you and I wonder who you are. Maybe now the pain will go away and I will think about you often. I promise our story will be shared more here on this earth so that some other Dad may not make the same decision. I know God wants to use this for His glory and I pray He will do that now.
I am looking forward to meeting you knowing that when we meet, God will have removed all guilt and pain. We will have a joyful reunion! Praise God for His power to forgive and restore.
Lord I pray that my precious child hears me and knows my heart. I know you have loved and cared for him/her perfectly since the beginning of time. Thank you Lord. Please forgive me Lord and have mercy on me.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.