Author: Karen Baby Name: My Child Birth Date: May 1979 Abortion Date: October 1978
October 1978.. I was married and just found out I was pregnant. I didn’t tell the father because I was already thinking of divorcing him. It didn’t occur to me to tell my parents, I was grown (21) and married. Instead, I drove to Planned Parenthood for an evaluation and the next day returned to “take care of it.” The abortion hurt a lot, even though I was only 8 weeks. I can still remember every detail–of the physical trauma. Emotionally, I wasn’t bothered at all. After all, it was just a “clump of cells” not even a baby, right? I thought Pro-Lifers were a weird bunch of religious people and I didn’t associate with them.
. I went on to have a son two years later who is now 34, and I loved, loved, loved being a mother. Later I had two tubal pregnancies and could have no more children. How grateful I am for my son, and now his daughter, my granddaughter; but how it saddens me that I so foolishly bought the lies of the Pro-Choice advocates and my culture, sacrificing my unborn child–another son or perhaps a daughter–because I didn’t love my child’s father and I wanted a career. It wasn’t worth it. I promise.
Only decades after my abortion, after seeing photographs of babies at only 8 weeks, did I realize what I had done. I really had believed the lies that “it’s just a clump of cells.” Well, so am I.
Looking at my own first (and only) grandchild I realize what I did to my parents. I never thought about that at the time; but I cannot imagine anything more tragic than to have your grandchild murdered . . . by his or her mother . . . except perhaps to be that mother.
I am not drowning in grief about my abortion, but I deeply regret it—-both on moral grounds, and for the very selfish reason that my child who would be in her or his late thirties now is dead. His or her children, my grandchildren, will never be. I’m grateful for knowing the truth now. Regret is sad, yes, and ungodly regret leads to self-destruction; but godly regret leads you to do constructive things to help others. I now write and speak on the truth to counter all the lies society teach women today. They are lies. I promise.
No matter what anyone tells you, your heart will one day know that what you have in your womb right now is a child. There is nothing more beautiful, more satisfying, no career more rewarding than holding your baby, guiding him or her, and seeing your child grow up into an adult. I have had a very successful career for many years and now that I am “retired” I often ask myself: was it worth pushing aside the hours to play with my son, so I could turn out one more work project? Was it worth trying to keep him busy so I could work a little later and make a little more money? So I could be seen as successful? Have nice things? Was it worth destroying my first child because I was worried being a single mother would be too hard and no one would marry me? I was so foolish, but aren’t we all when we’re young?
I would much, much rather have another son, or a daughter–and perhaps their children, now– to watch them grow and celebrate their lives. As you get older, you start to realize the greatest joys of life are things like that, not the hustle and bustle of trying to be important and successful. Importance and success don’t last, but motherhood does.
Yes, being a parent involves a lot of sacrifice, but my son went to college with me when he was a baby. There are people who will help you with adoption, open adoption, supplies for your baby if you keep that child, financial support,babysitting, and so on. There are men who are happy to marry a woman with a child. I promise.
Other women and the world have brainwashed us, that the path to happiness is “take care of yourself first,” but I spent two and a half decades of adult life living that lie –and it is exactly the opposite of what is true. I’ve spent the last decade (I’m 57) living the opposite truth–serve others first and love others more than yourself–and it has been the best years of my life, full of the greatest joy, the richest rewards, and peace. Self-centeredness, self-protection, self-focus on your life only robs your heart of peace and fills it with darkness.
Trust me. I know.
I realize I’m focusing on still self-centered reasons to keep your child—talking about how I feel and my regret. But I imagine you have already heard about how the life in you right now is a child, and the only reason you are thinking of abortion is because you don’t think it will affect you, or you don’t love the father, or you don’t think you can make it work, or you worry you will have to give up a career. I tell you, I would give up everything, right now, to have the child I aborted back: my career as an executive in a public company, my music career, my role as an entrepreneur, my speaking and writing. None of it is worth anything when you come to the second half of your life and realize how fast the years have gone and all you have that really matters is your children and your family. Yes, mothering requires self-sacrifice, they tell you that. What they don’t tell you is that life’s greatest happiness comes from self-sacrifice. Just look around, ask the mothers. They’ll tell you the truth that all the pro-abortion advocates are hiding from you.
I know this is too long, but I feel like I have this one opportunity to speak to you as you read across time and space, trying to decide what to do. Even though I don’t know your name or your circumstances, I promise you if I could hold you in my arms right now as your adoring grandmother and comfort you and assure you and show you how your precious child will grow and wrap his or her arms around your neck and call you Mama, and tell you everything will be all right, I would. Do not be afraid. Tell your mom and dad. Tell the father. If they get mad, so they get mad. You’re a big girl. You’ve had a lot of people angry at you for a while and you know most of the time they get over it and come around. You can handle it. But don’t assume you know what anyone else is going to say or do. Give them a chance to walk beside you and love you and your child. You just might be surprised.
I don’t know where you are with regard to God, but I am the grandmother who loves to read her Bible and pray, so regardless of your relationship to God at this moment, in memory of my child, I will say a prayer for you, and yours. I promise.