God forgave me but I can’t let go….
I was young, in my early 20’s and already the single, divorced mother of a beautiful girl who I struggled to raise alone because her father didn’t want her. I met another man, we got engaged. Several months later and 6 weeks before our planned big wedding, I discovered I was pregnant again. He was shocked and angry. He was completely unsupportive and told me if I kept the baby (which I wanted to do) not only was the marriage off, but he too would abandon me and not support this baby he wasn’t ready for. I was overwhelmed already trying to raise a 4 year old as a single Mom, with little help from my family and no support. I couldn’t fathom going through this again and have to now raise two kids whose fathers didn’t want them. I was an idiot at picking men to fall in love with. I felt I had no choice, but mostly I couldn’t deal with going through all that again, alone with two kids with no dads. I let him talk me into the abortion. It was horrible. I later had a nervous breakdown over deep depression from killing my baby, a baby I really wanted. I left that man. I prayed for years for forgiveness. I believe The Lord forgave me and I know my unborn baby is in Heaven. God blessed me 10 years later with a planned baby and loving husband. When my own older daughter found herself with an unplanned pregnancy at 20, I begged her to give life to her child. She was considering abortion. I told her you DO NOT want to carry this guilt around the rest of your life, as I STILL DO. She had the baby and I have a 17 yr old granddaughter now I love dearly. I often tell my story to women in this situation and tell them to choose life over guilt. Life is beautiful, guilt weighs you down forever. I’m sorry my precious baby, who would now be 33, I wish someone had given me my own speech. I love you! Forgive me.