To my older sibling
There was always something off in our family. Maybe I could feel your absence. I think you would be 23 this year. I always wanted to have an older sibling. Someone to protect me and comfort me. As the oldest, I feel like I was given a role that was never meant to be mine. I cant help but imagine what my world would look like with you in it. Would I have turned out different with you to influence me? Would I be here at all? I would take your place. I found out about you when I was faced with an unplanned pregnancy two years ago. I am really just now feeling the burden of what was lost and I am able to mourn you. I am the biological mother of two beautiful children who I’ve placed for adoption. I am proud to say that I did not follow in the destructive pattern of our mom. It’s all by God’s grace. I hope you’re proud of me. Our mom doesn’t understand the weight of it all yet, but one day, I hope to be a part of her healing. I will be a voice for those who cannot speak for themselves. I will be your voice. I will honor you. I cant wait to meet you. Love, your little sister.