You are SO very loved….by Mommy.
Author: Mommy Baby Name: Christian Birth Date: Spring 1995 Abortion Date: Stillbirth Dec 1995
You were conceived this very weekend 20 years ago. SO much love and passion and tenderness. But when you came along your Daddy changed-he didn’t want to grow up…? I don’t know. He just was so very clear in actions and cruel words that he didn’t want you. Two decades later — years pressing on that he could not deny fatherhood happens… a brother and a sister are yours! — one of each…. yet–you must know my life will forever be incomplete until you meet me at heaven’s gate! Still I know you here on earth in how I love. You KNOW I couldn’t GO through with what he wanted me to do. I refused. I listened to the people purporting that a ‘procedure was simple’ and it was no life for you with a father who didn’t want you. It was never simple and I held on…. I carried you through birthday’s and holidays and we were looking straight at a blessed Christmas; just me and you…. tucked for a time beneath my heart. God had a different plan. 4 months from the moment of conceiving your life-came the last earthly heartbeat. I took the hard road… suffered through all the pain knowing on the other side was just more grief (and alone to cope with it). In our story of birth there was to be no sweet breath. I know that I am the Mommy I am because of you. I know I am the wife I am because of YOU. And only YOU! I know that you are the first love of my life. And I still fight for you…your validity, your truth, your worth — you are my only first born son…. and I will speak of you with pride and reverence for a God that was allowed to decide — his will be done, not my own — until my last breath — because you were given none. I say: You are so very loved. You are so very loved…… You are so very loved. My loss was heaven’s gain….. and all I do is from the love you made fully alive in me. Born with wings to fly…. CCC born and died 12-15-95